i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
did you just send me my own nude
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
