tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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