I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
