could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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