Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
