judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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