i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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