i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
