boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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