Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
