I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
