Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
