I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
