I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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