hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
