I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
