Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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