My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
