you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
