last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
