We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
