Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
