Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
