I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
