weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
