I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
