Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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