I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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