good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
