Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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