went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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