Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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