You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
