You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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