she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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