Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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