am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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