just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pants are for mortals
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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