I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
