you will always have a special place in my vag
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
