Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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