I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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