The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
