I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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