He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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