You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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