She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
