Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
