I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
