Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
